As we find ourselves in the third national lockdown, I have used the time to learn new recipes (there is only so much banana bread you can make!) and binge watching TV (thank you for the escape to Bridgerton & immersing myself with Married at First Sight Australia!). Most importantly I have discovered myself. The real version of Wendy.
The life I lived pre March 2020 didn’t feel like it was mine. It was a work schedule with 4:30am alarms and eating dinner on the train. Paired with a ‘leisurely weekend’ that was alway full on. Rarely did I prioritise the necessary rest. I felt I couldn’t pause or stop life and I was often too tired to enjoy being in the present moment. It’s sad really. I clock watched thinking ‘what is next?’. If my life was a fairground ride, it was definitely the waltzers!
Now I’ve stepped away from the fairground, I’m in a better place, perhaps I’m now riding more comfortably on the carousel. The choice may have been forced upon us under the extremely devastating circumstance, however I’m truly thankful to have this opportunity to slow down.
I use my commute time to have a longer morning walk rather than rushing the dog to do his business! I have a manageable diary which allows my mind to wonder to seek new and exciting opportunities. My leisure time is just that. I look after myself, enjoy having the time to be extra kind to others and I let my creativity streak run wild (if knitting is wild?!). I’m enjoying being a Wendy in an uncertain world, there are parts of my life I can control and I am learning to let go of those areas that I can not control or influence.
I will embrace a future where I feel more in control of what I want to do, learning to say no and not feeling selfish for doing so.
Lockdown will not last forever. I am looking forward to the day when I choose to buy some tokens to ride the bumper cars and see what happens!